Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize