i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Drunk is a universal language darling
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