I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
