Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
