The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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