so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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