I think my fart just growled at me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
