I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize