I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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