when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
