dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish life had little blips of pornography
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize