My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
