We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
