so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
