So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
