I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
