I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
