Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
