By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
