I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
