I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So squirting runs in the family.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize