You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
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