is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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