just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
