I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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