there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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