I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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