Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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