you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
