Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
