AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
