Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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