i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He passed out mid-signature
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
