that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
