my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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