I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
