i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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