I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
