But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
