Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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