My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
