Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
a search helicopter?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
