I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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