I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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