How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
