College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
