It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
