Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
