and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
