We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize