No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
