i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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