Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
