if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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