...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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