Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
