Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
