I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
