then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
