DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize