ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize