i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
