Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
