If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
