She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
