Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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