Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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