Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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