There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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