apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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