absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
