I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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