I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
