just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think pants incapable of making pants work
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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