he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
