Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
