so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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