I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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