After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
