sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
