Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
