I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Your dad touched me again.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
