everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
