I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
