I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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