Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
