So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm passing your future prison.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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