i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
