id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
