A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
