I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
