I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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