I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
