This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
