just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
