I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she told me i tasted like america
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize