i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize