Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
