Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
