I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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