I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
