ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize