Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
