Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
