im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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