Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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