so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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