i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
