My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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