yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
