Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
