Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
